1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:03,390 Support for 2 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:03,390 Pawnee Community Radio 3 00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:06,990 comes from the Wendell G. 4 00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:06,990 and Muriel Fathwright 5 00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:06,990 Korbleman Foundation 6 00:00:07,070 --> 00:00:09,560 and Sweetums Cares, 7 00:00:07,070 --> 00:00:09,560 a non-profit group, 8 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,080 that puts umbrella hats 9 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,080 on homeless people 10 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,080 when it rains. 11 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,880 Welcome to Thoughts 12 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,880 for Your Thoughts. 13 00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:22,980 I'm Derry Murbles, 14 00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:22,980 filling in for David Parker, 15 00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:22,980 who took off for eight months 16 00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:27,220 to study 17 00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:27,220 the migration patterns 18 00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:27,220 of our nation's squirrels. 19 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,550 We have not 20 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,550 seen him since. 21 00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:32,550 My guest today is 22 00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:32,550 author Leslie Knope. 23 00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:37,030 The book, Pawnee: 24 00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:37,030 The Greatest Town 25 00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:37,030 in America. 26 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:40,760 I wrote a book. 27 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:40,760 The first historical guide 28 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:40,760 to Pawnee. 29 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,600 I wrote it as 30 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,600 a reference for myself, 31 00:00:42,670 --> 00:00:44,200 but then my 32 00:00:42,670 --> 00:00:44,200 campaign advisors said 33 00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:46,000 we should make it 34 00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:46,000 a big, wide release. 35 00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:48,240 So, we had people contribute 36 00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:48,240 and we added pictures 37 00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:49,800 and we removed 38 00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:49,800 a lot of my poems 39 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,610 and emotional ramblings 40 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,610 and pictures of unicorns. 41 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,340 And here it is. 42 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,120 Leslie, could one say 43 00:00:56,220 --> 00:01:00,620 that a book is nothing more 44 00:00:56,220 --> 00:01:00,620 than a painting of words, 45 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,990 which are the notes 46 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,990 on the tapestry 47 00:01:04,060 --> 00:01:07,390 of the greatest film 48 00:01:04,060 --> 00:01:07,390 ever sculpted? 49 00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:10,830 One could say that. 50 00:01:11,770 --> 00:01:13,130 But should one? 51 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,470 Join us next week 52 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,470 when David Bianculli 53 00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:18,370 will be filling in for 54 00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:18,370 Richard Chang-Jefferson, 55 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,140 who will be 56 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,140 filling in for me. 57 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,110 Leslie, would you 58 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,110 like to take us out? 59 00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:24,810 Okay. 60 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:29,780 Please enjoy a song 61 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:29,780 from the lesbian 62 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:29,780 Afro-Norwegian funk duo, 63 00:01:29,850 --> 00:01:32,010 Nefertiti's Fjord. 64 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,850 Oh, wow. 65 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,850 They are terrible. 66 00:01:39,460 --> 00:01:44,730 Yes, they're quite awful, 67 00:01:39,460 --> 00:01:44,730 but they are lesbians. So... 68 00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:10,150 Usually, I only read 69 00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:10,150 nautical novels and my own 70 00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:10,150 personal manifestos 71 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,630 but I'm proud to 72 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,630 make this exception. 73 00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:14,860 Thank you, Ron. 74 00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:14,860 I expect all of you to 75 00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:14,860 buy additional copies. 76 00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:17,060 But I wanted 77 00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:17,060 the first one 78 00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:17,060 that you owned 79 00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:19,230 to be delivered 80 00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:19,230 and signed by me. 81 00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:21,660 God, this goes on 82 00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:21,660 for, like, seven pages. 83 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:23,430 I started thinking 84 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:23,430 about you as a woman 85 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,340 and as a person, 86 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,340 and I got carried away. 87 00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:28,280 Okay, mine just says, 88 00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:28,280 "Get well soon." 89 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,570 Aren't you sick? 90 00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:31,500 No. 91 00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,140 Something's off. 92 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,350 Leslie, I loved your book. 93 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,350 I read it cover to cover. 94 00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:38,180 Wow. I just gave it 95 00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:38,180 to you an hour ago. 96 00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:39,380 I'm a speed reader. 97 00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:42,650 I can read over 98 00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:42,650 3,000 words a minute, 99 00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:42,650 with total comprehension. 100 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,320 One time, 101 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,320 I read all of Siddhartha 102 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,320 at a traffic stop. 103 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:50,030 Pawnee's most 104 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:50,030 notorious businessman 105 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:50,030 in the building. 106 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,900 I brought some 107 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,900 Entertainment 720 108 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,900 pillowcases for your pillow. 109 00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:56,130 Never Stop Dreaming. 110 00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:56,130 Tom Haverford. 111 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,400 I never do. Chris Traeger. 112 00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:00,730 Respect. 113 00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:00,730 Game recognize game. 114 00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:02,840 Tom, I have 115 00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:02,840 Pawnee Today 116 00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:02,840 in an hour. 117 00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:05,040 Was my book selected 118 00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:05,040 for Joan's Book Club? 119 00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:07,170 Joan Callamezzo 120 00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:07,170 has a book club? 121 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,690 Joan Callamezzo 122 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,690 started a book club 123 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,690 four years ago. 124 00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:13,480 And now, she is 125 00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:13,480 the literary taste-maker 126 00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:13,480 in the town. 127 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,550 The Time-Traveler's 128 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,550 Optometrist, 129 00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,750 by Pawnee's own 130 00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,750 Penelope Foster. 131 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,660 A heartwarming story 132 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,660 about a caveman eye doctor 133 00:03:20,730 --> 00:03:22,860 who travels to 134 00:03:20,730 --> 00:03:22,860 present-day Cincinnati 135 00:03:22,930 --> 00:03:24,990 and can see 136 00:03:22,930 --> 00:03:24,990 everything but love. 137 00:03:25,070 --> 00:03:26,400 Unreadable. 138 00:03:26,470 --> 00:03:28,600 Then, Joan slaps 139 00:03:26,470 --> 00:03:28,600 her sticker on it. 140 00:03:28,670 --> 00:03:31,110 Best-seller four 141 00:03:28,670 --> 00:03:31,110 years in a row. 142 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,840 You told me you could 143 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,840 get me that sticker. 144 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,840 Did you get it? 145 00:03:32,910 --> 00:03:35,780 I'm trying, Leslie. 146 00:03:32,910 --> 00:03:35,780 But Joan got 147 00:03:32,910 --> 00:03:35,780 an anonymous tip 148 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,580 that there's 149 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,580 a factual inaccuracy 150 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,580 in your book. 151 00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:42,620 That's impossible. 152 00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:42,620 I checked every detail 153 00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:42,620 with the Historical Society. 154 00:03:42,780 --> 00:03:44,010 Did she say what it was? 155 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,180 She won't tell me. 156 00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:47,090 I think she wants 157 00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:47,090 one of her big 158 00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:47,090 "gotcha" moments. 159 00:03:47,290 --> 00:03:49,660 Well, she's not 160 00:03:47,290 --> 00:03:49,660 going to "getch" me. 161 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,320 I find no inaccuracies. 162 00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:54,020 Joan Callamezzo 163 00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:54,020 claims there is a mistake 164 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,890 in my book, 165 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,890 which there is not, 166 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,060 and so now she's trying 167 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,060 to get me on 168 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,060 a tiny technicality. 169 00:03:58,130 --> 00:04:00,470 So, just in case 170 00:03:58,130 --> 00:04:00,470 there is a mistake, 171 00:03:58,130 --> 00:04:00,470 which there is not, 172 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,270 I need all of you 173 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,270 fact-checking 174 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,270 every single detail. 175 00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,200 Jerry, I need you 176 00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,200 to hit the road 177 00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:06,970 and re-interview everyone 178 00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:06,970 who lives out of town. 179 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,170 On it, boss. 180 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,140 The rest of you, call me 181 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,140 as soon as you find 182 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:12,040 the mistake that 183 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:12,040 does not exist. 184 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,280 Do you think there's 185 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,280 actually a mistake in here? 186 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:18,810 I doubt it. 187 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:18,810 If there's one thing 188 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:18,810 Leslie's not, it's sloppy. 189 00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:23,520 She's also not brief. 190 00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:23,520 This is going 191 00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:23,520 to take forever. 192 00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:24,650 It's just us, I hope. 193 00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:25,750 I wish. 194 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:29,360 Hey, guys. Ready to do 195 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:29,360 some fact-checking? 196 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,000 Here we go. 197 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,000 Helping Leslie. 198 00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,530 Okey-doke. 199 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,570 Hi. Joan Callamezzo. 200 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,610 Yeah. 201 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,610 Hi, Ben Wyatt. 202 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,610 We've met. 203 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:43,900 I don't think so. 204 00:04:44,780 --> 00:04:46,370 Yeah, I was on your show. 205 00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:48,910 Nope. 206 00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:52,010 I'm trying 207 00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:52,010 to find the words to 208 00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:52,010 describe this girl 209 00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:54,650 Without being disrespectful 210 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,280 Getting the book 211 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,280 into Joan's Book Club 212 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,280 will really help Leslie. 213 00:04:57,490 --> 00:04:59,760 But it will also 214 00:04:57,490 --> 00:04:59,760 help my company, 215 00:04:57,490 --> 00:04:59,760 Entertainment 720. 216 00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:01,090 At the risk of bragging, 217 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,030 one of the things 218 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,030 I'm best at 219 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,030 is riding coattails. 220 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,230 Behind every 221 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,230 successful man, is me, 222 00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,070 smiling and taking 223 00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,070 partial credit. 224 00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:11,200 Now, about Leslie's book. 225 00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:11,200 Am I going to be happy? 226 00:05:11,570 --> 00:05:13,800 We'll see, won't we? Hmm? 227 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,910 Wow, you guys are 228 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,910 really cute together. 229 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,640 Ben, I'm cute together 230 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,640 with everybody. 231 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,350 Anyone find any mistakes? 232 00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:29,690 Yeah, actually, 233 00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:29,690 in here it says 234 00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:29,690 that Pawnee is great. 235 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,660 But in reality, 236 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,660 it's terrible. 237 00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:34,320 Let Tom know we 238 00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:34,320 haven't found anything. 239 00:05:34,930 --> 00:05:36,160 Hey, I'm thinking 240 00:05:34,930 --> 00:05:36,160 about getting a new phone. 241 00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:37,260 Do you guys 242 00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:37,260 like your phones? 243 00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:38,990 I've never used 244 00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:38,990 a phone in my life. 245 00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:42,830 What about you, Ron? 246 00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:42,830 Do you like your phone? 247 00:05:43,670 --> 00:05:44,800 Mmm. 248 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,870 Here's my goal. 249 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,870 I'm going to get 250 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,870 these two people 251 00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:49,780 that I've known 252 00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:49,780 for a long time 253 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,750 to talk to me 254 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,750 for five minutes. 255 00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:56,720 Who am I kidding? One minute. 256 00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:56,720 One minute would be amazing. 257 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,150 So, Leslie, you're 258 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,150 a real native of Pawnee, 259 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,150 aren't you? 260 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,750 Yes. I was born 261 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,750 and raised here, Joan. 262 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,730 And I love the town so much, 263 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,730 I literally 264 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,730 wrote the book on it. 265 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,760 I have it right here. 266 00:06:07,830 --> 00:06:11,700 And also, 267 00:06:07,830 --> 00:06:11,700 in this hand right here, 268 00:06:07,830 --> 00:06:11,700 I have a sticker. 269 00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:13,860 Which, when applied, 270 00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:13,860 legally determines 271 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,630 the newest selection 272 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,630 of Joan's Book Club. 273 00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:19,440 Oh... Oh... Whoa! 274 00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:21,070 Where should... Over here? 275 00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:22,970 Back here? 276 00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:22,970 Where is it now? 277 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,070 Come on. Stick it. 278 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,640 Ooh! 279 00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:28,140 Hang on. 280 00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:28,140 Stick the sticker. 281 00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:30,280 No, no, no. 282 00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:30,280 Not so fast. 283 00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:30,280 Put it on. 284 00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:34,380 We received a tip 285 00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:34,380 that you, Leslie 286 00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:34,380 "Born and Raised" Knope, 287 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,020 were not born in Pawnee. 288 00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:39,060 What? 289 00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:40,320 Gotcha! 290 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,460 Because you lied about it, 291 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,460 we cannot make this 292 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,460 a Book Club selection. 293 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,540 I was born in Pawnee. 294 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,540 I'd stake my 295 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,540 reputation on it. 296 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,270 I have to tell you. 297 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,270 This feels like 298 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,270 "Gotcha" journalism. 299 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:51,530 In what way? 300 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,770 That way. 301 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,770 You put "Gotcha" 302 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,770 on my face. 303 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,000 After the break. 304 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,100 Where was Leslie Knope 305 00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:57,440 actually born? 306 00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:57,440 Pawnee. 307 00:06:57,510 --> 00:07:01,310 We will pull out 308 00:06:57,510 --> 00:07:01,310 the world map 309 00:06:57,510 --> 00:07:01,310 and speculate wildly. 310 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,950 Oh, God. 311 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,950 Not the "Gotcha" dancers. 312 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,460 That was despicable. 313 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,460 I am horrified 314 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,460 at her tactics. 315 00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:20,870 That said, the show 316 00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:20,870 was very lively. 317 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,000 Joan "Gotcha" 318 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,000 Don't it hurt ya 319 00:07:24,070 --> 00:07:25,230 It's pretty catchy. 320 00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:28,240 Okay. Ben, Tom, you stay here. 321 00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:28,240 Stay on Joan. 322 00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:28,240 Get that sticker. 323 00:07:28,310 --> 00:07:29,870 Chris, Andy, 324 00:07:28,310 --> 00:07:29,870 we're going to 325 00:07:28,310 --> 00:07:29,870 stay on schedule 326 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,140 and we're going to do 327 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,140 some damage control. 328 00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:33,610 All right. Everybody, move. 329 00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:33,610 Move, move, move! 330 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,810 This entire event's 331 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,810 under federal jurisdiction. 332 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,910 When Leslie's in trouble, 333 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,910 there's only one 334 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,910 man for the job. 335 00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:40,450 Bert Macklin, FBI. 336 00:07:41,690 --> 00:07:43,520 You thought I was dead? 337 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,660 So did 338 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,660 the President's enemies. 339 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,160 Call if you need us. Okay. 340 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,860 All right, so, 341 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,860 we don't have to 342 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,860 fact check anymore. 343 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,800 But Leslie wants us 344 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,800 to be on "Ready-Alert One" 345 00:07:56,870 --> 00:07:58,200 just in case 346 00:07:56,870 --> 00:07:58,200 something comes up. 347 00:07:58,270 --> 00:08:00,370 Now, I can get 348 00:07:58,270 --> 00:08:00,370 some real work done. 349 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,400 You know, I think 350 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,400 I'm just gonna 351 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,040 hang out here 352 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,040 with you guys, 353 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,040 if that's cool. 354 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,240 It's not. 355 00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:10,010 Great. 356 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,420 I could leave. I could. 357 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,420 But I'm not going to. 358 00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:17,550 I will get my one minute 359 00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:17,550 of small talk, damn it. 360 00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:21,490 And it will be casual 361 00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:21,490 and it will be amicable. 362 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,230 Did Leslie leave? 363 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,290 We wanted her to sign 364 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,290 the "Gotcha" wall. 365 00:08:26,370 --> 00:08:28,460 Joanie, come on now. 366 00:08:26,370 --> 00:08:28,460 What was that? 367 00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:30,300 I thought we were 368 00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:30,300 going to get that sticker. 369 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:34,310 Sorry, Tom. 370 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:34,310 I am first and foremost 371 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:34,310 a journalist. 372 00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:36,170 Let us take you 373 00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:36,170 to lunch. Okay? 374 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,840 We'll talk about the book 375 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,840 and whatever else may come up. 376 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,540 Let me go change 377 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,540 into something more 378 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,540 tantalizing. All right? 379 00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:47,290 So, what, we're 380 00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:47,290 taking her to lunch now? 381 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,290 Ben, Leslie 382 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,290 hired my company 383 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,290 to get her that sticker. 384 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,690 You're the one that told me, 385 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,690 "Businesses need 386 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,690 clients to get money." 387 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,890 I was the first one 388 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,890 to tell you that? 389 00:08:56,130 --> 00:08:57,500 Don't worry. 390 00:08:56,130 --> 00:08:57,500 This is in the bag. 391 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:58,990 Joan's a married woman. 392 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,390 She wants what she can't have. 393 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,390 It's a game of cat and mouse. 394 00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:15,670 Thank you all for coming. 395 00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:19,550 Our journey begins on 396 00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:19,550 page one, the preface. 397 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:21,580 Oh, boy. Yes. 398 00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:23,830 I think I speak on 399 00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:23,830 behalf of everyone 400 00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:25,760 in the entire 401 00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:25,760 world when I say, 402 00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:28,590 we need to know the truth 403 00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:28,590 about where you were born. 404 00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:30,190 Okay. Well... 405 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,100 Leslie, let me handle this. 406 00:09:33,270 --> 00:09:34,460 Does it really matter? 407 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,440 I mean, how many of you 408 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,440 were actually born in Pawnee? 409 00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:40,870 Fair enough. 410 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:44,140 No matter what 411 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:44,140 you heard, ma'am, 412 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:44,140 the truth is I was born here. 413 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:47,880 If you were so born here, 414 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:47,880 then where's your 415 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:47,880 birth certificate? 416 00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:51,550 Well, I don't carry 417 00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:51,550 my birth certificate 418 00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:51,550 around with me. 419 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:53,820 Why? Because you're 420 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:53,820 hiding something? 421 00:09:53,890 --> 00:09:55,580 You should go back 422 00:09:53,890 --> 00:09:55,580 where you came from. 423 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,450 I am back from 424 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,450 where I came from. 425 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,990 That sentence was confusing! 426 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,990 You might as 427 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,990 well be from China! 428 00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:02,530 That's ridiculous. 429 00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:02,530 Is it? 430 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,830 I'm from here. 431 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,130 This crowd is 432 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,130 getting very hostile, 433 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,130 Ms. Knope, 434 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,190 I'm going to get 435 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,190 you out of here. 436 00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:07,790 Oh, my God. 437 00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:07,790 Back off! 438 00:10:08,970 --> 00:10:09,990 Bye, everybody. 439 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,130 When I was 18, 440 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:17,380 Val Kilmer saw me at a mall 441 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:17,380 and told me I should model. 442 00:10:18,710 --> 00:10:19,980 That never happened. 443 00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:22,520 So, Joan, how is 444 00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:22,520 married life 445 00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:22,520 treating you? 446 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,580 Your husband still know 447 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,580 he's the luckiest man 448 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,580 in the world? 449 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,280 Santino and I 450 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,280 are divorcing. 451 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,280 Oh. 452 00:10:27,590 --> 00:10:29,250 It's actually 453 00:10:27,590 --> 00:10:29,250 quite liberating. 454 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,780 I'm a woman with 455 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,780 a strong sexual appetite. 456 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:37,830 I'm like a caged peacock 457 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:37,830 yearning for 458 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:37,830 the wind on her haunches. 459 00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:40,500 That's a powerful metaphor. 460 00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:43,160 Maybe we can get that 461 00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:43,160 book club sticker in order, 462 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,640 and we can work on 463 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,640 unlocking that peacock cage. 464 00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:49,080 Things have changed, Tom. 465 00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:49,080 Don't make any promises 466 00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:49,080 you can't keep. 467 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:51,740 I'll have another drink, 468 00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:56,250 and so will this adorable 469 00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:56,250 hunk of caramel to my right. 470 00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:59,180 Drink up, Tom. 471 00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:59,180 I'm going to go 472 00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:59,180 powder my nose. 473 00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:01,650 Amongst other things. 474 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,850 If you know what I mean. 475 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,390 Crap. 476 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,030 Is she going to 477 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,030 powder her vagina? 478 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:12,190 You've got to 479 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:12,190 help me, man. 480 00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:14,860 Why? Seems to be going 481 00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:14,860 the usual amount of gross. 482 00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:16,800 No, this is way different. 483 00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:16,800 She's not married anymore. 484 00:11:16,870 --> 00:11:19,200 She had, like, 485 00:11:16,870 --> 00:11:19,200 five bottles of alcohol. 486 00:11:16,870 --> 00:11:19,200 She's calling me "caramel." 487 00:11:19,270 --> 00:11:21,070 You've got to 488 00:11:19,270 --> 00:11:21,070 throw some cold water 489 00:11:19,270 --> 00:11:21,070 on the situation. 490 00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:22,300 Start talking 491 00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:22,300 about nerd stuff. 492 00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:24,350 You know, nerd culture 493 00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:24,350 is mainstream now. 494 00:11:24,410 --> 00:11:27,180 So, when you use 495 00:11:24,410 --> 00:11:27,180 the word "nerd" 496 00:11:24,410 --> 00:11:27,180 derogatorily, 497 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:28,880 it means you're the one 498 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:28,880 that's out of the Zeitgeist. 499 00:11:28,950 --> 00:11:31,820 Yes, that's perfect. 500 00:11:28,950 --> 00:11:31,820 Just like that. 501 00:11:28,950 --> 00:11:31,820 Be incredibly boring. 502 00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:34,650 Well, I've made 503 00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:34,650 a little progress. 504 00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:37,220 I'm up to 505 00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:37,220 four seconds 506 00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:37,220 with April. 507 00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,930 Hey, April. 508 00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,930 I was looking to 509 00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,930 get some new music. 510 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,090 And I was wondering 511 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,090 if you could 512 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,090 recommend anything. 513 00:11:42,330 --> 00:11:43,320 The Internet. 514 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,360 I really like your haircut. 515 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,360 Where did you get it? 516 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:46,790 Prison. 517 00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:48,890 How is your sister doing? 518 00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:48,890 She has the shingles. 519 00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:50,960 Who is your 520 00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:50,960 favorite character 521 00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:50,960 on Sex and the City? 522 00:11:51,870 --> 00:11:53,000 ALF. 523 00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:55,240 And nine seconds with Ron. 524 00:11:55,610 --> 00:11:57,080 You're stranded 525 00:11:55,610 --> 00:11:57,080 on a desert island, 526 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,980 what is the one thing 527 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,980 that you bring with you? 528 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:01,280 Silence. 529 00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:08,480 We did a flash poll. 530 00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:11,920 68% of Pawneeans now believe 531 00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:11,920 you're lying about 532 00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:11,920 where you were born. 533 00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:13,760 Honesty is important 534 00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:13,760 to voters. 535 00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:17,990 13% think I'm crazy-eyed? 536 00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:17,990 What? Why? 537 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:21,330 Whatever. I can end this now. 538 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:21,330 Here is my birth certificate. 539 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:21,330 Mmm-hmm. 540 00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:24,000 Well, this just 541 00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:24,000 says Wamapoke County. 542 00:12:24,070 --> 00:12:25,560 Yeah. That's the county 543 00:12:24,070 --> 00:12:25,560 Pawnee is in. 544 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,110 Well, no. 545 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,110 This won't do it. 546 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,240 See, you staked your 547 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,240 reputation on this. 548 00:12:29,310 --> 00:12:31,400 So, you need to go down 549 00:12:29,310 --> 00:12:31,400 to the county records office 550 00:12:29,310 --> 00:12:31,400 in Eagleton 551 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,310 and get the original, 552 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,310 long-form certificate. 553 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,340 God, don't make me 554 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,340 go to Eagleton. 555 00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:38,220 Eagleton is the land 556 00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:38,220 of rich, snobby jerks. 557 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,450 There's a whole chapter 558 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,450 about it in my book. 559 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,010 I could write 560 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,010 a second book about Eagleton 561 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,010 and how stupid it is. 562 00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:46,390 And I'd call it, 563 00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:46,390 Eagleton: The Land 564 00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:46,390 of Rich, Snobby Jerks. 565 00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:49,950 Hello, and welcome to 566 00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:49,950 the Wamapoke 567 00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:49,950 County Records office 568 00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,090 here in beautiful Eagleton. 569 00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:53,790 My name is 570 00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:53,790 Alexis Pratchett. 571 00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:57,930 Take it down a notch, Alexis. 572 00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:57,930 I need a copy of my 573 00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:57,930 birth certificate. 574 00:12:58,270 --> 00:13:00,440 Oh, I'm sorry. 575 00:12:58,270 --> 00:13:00,440 It takes three 576 00:12:58,270 --> 00:13:00,440 to eight weeks 577 00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:01,810 to receive 578 00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:01,810 a birth certificate. 579 00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:03,300 Really? 580 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,080 Hi, I'm Chris. 581 00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,620 I was wondering 582 00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,620 if you might make 583 00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,620 an exception for me. 584 00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:14,110 Oh, I'm sorry. No. 585 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,780 Wow. That usually works. 586 00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:20,590 Oh, God. I hate 587 00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:20,590 this stupid town 588 00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:22,430 with all its stupid, 589 00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:22,430 terrible people. 590 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,730 I need that 591 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,730 birth certificate. 592 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,390 Leslie, wait here. 593 00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:28,330 Bert Macklin 594 00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:28,330 is on the case. 595 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,870 Andy. 596 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,870 No. 597 00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:31,170 Don't worry. 598 00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:34,040 I can do this. 599 00:13:34,110 --> 00:13:35,470 Believe in me. 600 00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:39,870 That's broken. 601 00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:47,820 Hold on. Leslie, real quick. 602 00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:47,820 Spell your last name for me. 603 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:51,750 Let's hear it for the boys 604 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:55,420 Wow. That was as 605 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:55,420 long as it was loud. 606 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,430 Take me home, dumpling. 607 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,300 It's beddy time. 608 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,300 Uh... 609 00:14:00,370 --> 00:14:03,460 Hey, Ben, you like Star Trek. 610 00:14:00,370 --> 00:14:03,460 Talk about that 611 00:14:00,370 --> 00:14:03,460 for a little bit. 612 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,530 They're making a sequel. 613 00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:09,940 I'm assuming 614 00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:09,940 with the same 615 00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:09,940 alternate timeline. 616 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:12,380 But if J.J. Abrams 617 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:12,380 and company 618 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:12,380 expect us to believe 619 00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:15,820 that it's Spock with 620 00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:15,820 the romantic tension 621 00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:15,820 with Uhura and not Kirk, 622 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,180 well, let's just 623 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,180 say the message boards 624 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,180 are going nuts. 625 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:23,750 I want to take 626 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:23,750 you both home 627 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:23,750 and...bend you over 628 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:28,460 and just...at 629 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:28,460 the same time. 630 00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:30,490 Whoo! 631 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,620 I'm leaving. 632 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:32,720 Let's do this. 633 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,860 We've got to get her home. 634 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,460 Tom, I know your 635 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,460 business is failing, 636 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,460 but this just isn't worth it. 637 00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:40,100 It's not about 638 00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:40,100 the business anymore, man. 639 00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:40,100 She's a disaster. 640 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,040 We've got to make sure 641 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,040 she gets home safe. 642 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,170 Whoa! 643 00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:49,770 What the hell? Okay, 644 00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:49,770 let's get her on the bed. 645 00:14:49,850 --> 00:14:50,910 Okay. One... 646 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,010 Oh, my God. 647 00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:53,880 Two... 648 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,620 Three. 649 00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:02,460 Say what you will about Joan, 650 00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:02,460 but she knows how to 651 00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:02,460 decorate a bedroom. 652 00:15:02,530 --> 00:15:04,430 Wow. 653 00:15:02,530 --> 00:15:04,430 Oh, my God. 654 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:05,830 Where the hell am I? 655 00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:08,000 I just want to see how 656 00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:08,000 soft these sheets are. 657 00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:08,000 One second. 658 00:15:08,070 --> 00:15:11,040 Tom. No. 659 00:15:08,070 --> 00:15:11,040 Come on. Let's go. 660 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,940 Joan, we left you 661 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,940 some water and aspirin 662 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,940 by the bed! 663 00:15:13,010 --> 00:15:14,270 Bye! 664 00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:18,410 Got it! Got it! 665 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,710 Nice! 666 00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,410 I also got this 667 00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,410 dude's briefcase. 668 00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,410 It was just laying there. 669 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,510 Kind of a panic move. 670 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,080 I believed in you. 671 00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:28,150 But you should 672 00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:28,150 put that back. 673 00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:28,150 Okay. 674 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,920 Okay, so, 675 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,920 Leslie Barbara Knope. 676 00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:32,480 Born January 18 677 00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:32,480 to Robert and Marlene Knope 678 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,030 in Eagleton, Indiana. 679 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,060 I'm from Eagleton. 680 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:45,740 Is it true, Mom? 681 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:45,740 Was I born in Eagleton? 682 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:47,670 Yes, it's true. 683 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,900 No. 684 00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:52,380 Pawnee Hospital was overrun 685 00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:52,380 with raccoons at the time, 686 00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,210 so we had to go to 687 00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,210 the next closest hospital. 688 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,410 No. 689 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,780 I'm sorry. Did you 690 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,780 expect me to 691 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,780 give birth to you 692 00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:01,220 in an infested, 693 00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:01,220 disease-filled room? 694 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,520 Mom, why didn't 695 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,520 you tell me? 696 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,690 You try telling 697 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,690 that little girl 698 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,690 she's not from Pawnee. 699 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,350 I certainly couldn't. 700 00:16:08,430 --> 00:16:11,830 So you were technically 701 00:16:08,430 --> 00:16:11,830 born in Eagleton. Who cares? 702 00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:13,260 I care. 703 00:16:13,330 --> 00:16:15,390 The people of Pawnee care. 704 00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:18,570 I wrote on 705 00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:18,570 the cover of my book 706 00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:18,570 that I was born in Pawnee. 707 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:22,470 I went on Pawnee Today, 708 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:22,470 and I called Joan a liar. 709 00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:26,240 I'm the liar. 710 00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:26,240 I'm worse than a liar. 711 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,370 I'm an... 712 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,610 Eagletonian. 713 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,620 Good morning. 714 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,620 Is Leslie here? 715 00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:42,020 Oh, man, I am so tired. 716 00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:42,020 I took a half-shift at 717 00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:42,020 the hospital last night. 718 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,930 And I had this 719 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,930 really weird patient. 720 00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:48,630 Weird how? 721 00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:50,430 I probably shouldn't 722 00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:50,430 talk about it. 723 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,870 It's one of the grossest 724 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,870 things I've ever seen. 725 00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:53,860 Talk. 726 00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:57,310 Well, this guy came in. 727 00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:57,310 He got his hand stuck 728 00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:57,310 in a Pringles can, 729 00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,500 and he tried to 730 00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,500 cut himself out. 731 00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:01,570 Was there a lot of blood? 732 00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:01,570 What kind of blade 733 00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:01,570 did he use? 734 00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:04,210 Three and a half inch. 735 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,280 Serrated. 736 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,280 Buckets of blood. 737 00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:09,320 He passed out over his arm 738 00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:09,320 and slumped onto the floor. 739 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:10,650 Did the bone show? 740 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,750 Very good question, April. 741 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,750 Answer her. 742 00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:15,060 Yeah. The bone showed. 743 00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:18,330 Everyone in the universe 744 00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:18,330 loves a gross medical story. 745 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,600 Boom! I win! 746 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:24,070 And so, when I finally 747 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:24,070 cleaned up the vomit, 748 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:24,070 I found the toe. 749 00:17:24,140 --> 00:17:25,700 I forgot about the toe. 750 00:17:24,140 --> 00:17:25,700 So did we. 751 00:17:25,770 --> 00:17:26,800 Crazy, right? 752 00:17:26,870 --> 00:17:28,340 That story's awesome. 753 00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:31,310 Indeed. Thank you 754 00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:31,310 for sharing, Jenny. 755 00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:36,420 Ann was getting 756 00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:36,420 a little chummy. 757 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,950 When people get 758 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,950 too chummy with me, 759 00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,580 I like to call them 760 00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,580 by the wrong name 761 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,320 to let them know 762 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,320 I don't really 763 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,320 care about them. 764 00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:44,920 That's a genius move. 765 00:17:44,990 --> 00:17:46,260 Thank you. 766 00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:48,520 You're welcome, Lester. 767 00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:54,430 Oh, my God. 768 00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:54,430 I wonder who else 769 00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:54,430 was born in Eagleton. 770 00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:56,800 Voldemort, probably. 771 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,400 Bad news, team. 772 00:17:58,470 --> 00:18:01,470 Entertainment 720 773 00:17:58,470 --> 00:18:01,470 was unable to get 774 00:17:58,470 --> 00:18:01,470 the sticker for Leslie's book. 775 00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:03,240 The sticker is 776 00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:03,240 the least of my problems. 777 00:18:03,310 --> 00:18:05,610 If I come clean 778 00:18:03,310 --> 00:18:05,610 about where I'm from, 779 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,950 then my 780 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,950 political career is over. 781 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,770 You don't have to 782 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,770 tell them a damned thing. 783 00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:13,120 The only thing 784 00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:13,120 the voters need to know 785 00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:13,120 about you is your name. 786 00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,090 And even that, 787 00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,090 I go back and forth on. 788 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,790 I'm sorry, 789 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,790 but I disagree. 790 00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:19,920 Leslie, where you were born 791 00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:19,920 is a piece of trivia. 792 00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:21,460 Where you're from? 793 00:18:21,530 --> 00:18:25,060 That's what makes 794 00:18:21,530 --> 00:18:25,060 you who you are. 795 00:18:21,530 --> 00:18:25,060 And you are from Pawnee. 796 00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:27,730 You're more Pawnee 797 00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:27,730 than anyone I know. 798 00:18:28,070 --> 00:18:29,500 So, I say tell 799 00:18:28,070 --> 00:18:29,500 them the truth, 800 00:18:29,570 --> 00:18:32,010 and trust that they're 801 00:18:29,570 --> 00:18:32,010 going to respect you for it. 802 00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:35,980 Damn it. 803 00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:35,980 He's right. Well said. 804 00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:37,270 Thanks, Ron. 805 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,640 You're welcome, Steve. 806 00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:43,280 Joan. 807 00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:45,650 Thanks so much 808 00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:45,650 for having Leslie 809 00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:45,650 back on the program. 810 00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:49,220 Well, thank you for 811 00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:49,220 getting me home last night. 812 00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:52,490 I wasn't feeling very well. 813 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,490 Because of some 814 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,490 bad seafood that I ate. 815 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,090 Yes. That's probably 816 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,090 what it was. 817 00:18:59,330 --> 00:19:02,570 I'd like to apologize to 818 00:18:59,330 --> 00:19:02,570 those that I've misled. 819 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,470 I thought I was 820 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,470 telling the truth. 821 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:07,270 But sadly, 822 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:07,270 I was born in Eagleton. 823 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,910 Well, that is worse than I 824 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,910 ever could have hoped for. 825 00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:15,610 I learned something, Joan. 826 00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:15,610 It's not where you're born. 827 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,120 It's where you're from. 828 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,720 When I was 829 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,720 nine years old, 830 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,720 I broke my arm 831 00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:24,750 sledding on that giant hill 832 00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:24,750 behind Kernston's 833 00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:24,750 Rubber Nipple factory. 834 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,490 You know, Nipple Hill. 835 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,490 Of course. 836 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,150 It gets very slippery there. 837 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,150 I know that. 838 00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:29,860 Especially when it's wet. 839 00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:29,860 Yes. 840 00:19:29,930 --> 00:19:32,560 And Jim, Jim Kabernick. 841 00:19:29,930 --> 00:19:32,560 I know Jim. 842 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:33,620 Jim and I have gone 843 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:33,620 to school together 844 00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:34,760 since we were, like, 845 00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:34,760 three years old. 846 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:35,830 Yes, that's true. 847 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,630 Do you remember when 848 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,630 you peed your pants 849 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,630 in second grade? 850 00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:40,640 Why did you 851 00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:40,640 bring that up? 852 00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:40,640 I said yes. 853 00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:42,970 You stuck your underwear 854 00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:42,970 in your drawer and you 855 00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:42,970 got real embarrassed, 856 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,670 and then the teacher 857 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,670 came over and 858 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,670 pulled them out? 859 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,270 And everybody 860 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,270 called you "the gerbil" 861 00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:48,510 because you always smelled 862 00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:48,510 like soiled wood chips? 863 00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:50,520 Leslie, for God's sake. 864 00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:50,520 We're on TV. 865 00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:53,540 The point is, 866 00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:53,540 you can't choose 867 00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:53,540 where you were born, 868 00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:54,850 but you can choose 869 00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:54,850 where you live. 870 00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:58,620 I love this town. 871 00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:58,620 I always have. 872 00:19:58,690 --> 00:20:00,390 I always will. 873 00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:02,260 And that's why I 874 00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:02,260 wrote a book about it. 875 00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,920 And that's why 876 00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,920 I'm running 877 00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,920 for City Council. 878 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,900 Look, I'm not crazy. 879 00:20:09,970 --> 00:20:13,460 I know Pawnee isn't Paris, 880 00:20:09,970 --> 00:20:13,460 or London, or Chicago. 881 00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:15,870 But it's a great place 882 00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:15,870 to live and work. 883 00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:20,670 And serving 884 00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:20,670 the goofballs in this town 885 00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:20,670 is an honor and a privilege. 886 00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:24,580 And yes, every town claims 887 00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:24,580 its diner's waffles are 888 00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:24,580 the best in the world. 889 00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:29,390 But somewhere, in some town, 890 00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:29,390 there really are 891 00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:29,390 the best waffles in the world. 892 00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:32,390 So delicious and rich 893 00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:32,390 and golden brown 894 00:20:32,460 --> 00:20:37,660 that anyone who 895 00:20:32,460 --> 00:20:37,660 tasted them would decide 896 00:20:32,460 --> 00:20:37,660 never to leave that town. 897 00:20:37,730 --> 00:20:41,100 Somewhere, 898 00:20:37,730 --> 00:20:41,100 those waffles exist. 899 00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:43,200 Why can't it be here? 900 00:20:44,470 --> 00:20:46,770 Joan put us 901 00:20:44,470 --> 00:20:46,770 in her book club. 902 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,500 Although I could 903 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,500 do without this. 904 00:20:52,110 --> 00:20:54,510 Leslie? Here's the thing. 905 00:20:52,110 --> 00:20:54,510 I've been all over the state. 906 00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:56,980 Indianapolis, Bloomington, 907 00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:56,980 Lafayette, Muncie, Gary, 908 00:20:57,050 --> 00:20:58,420 all the places you 909 00:20:57,050 --> 00:20:58,420 mention in the book. 910 00:20:58,490 --> 00:21:01,320 And I've interviewed 911 00:20:58,490 --> 00:21:01,320 all the people you mentioned. 912 00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:03,820 And so far, there is 913 00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:03,820 not one incorrect fact. 914 00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:05,950 So, now, I am going 915 00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:05,950 to head to the house, 916 00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:05,950 say hey to Gayle, 917 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:08,520 wish my daughter 918 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:08,520 a happy belated birthday, 919 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:08,520 it was yesterday 920 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,090 and then, 921 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,090 I'm going to 922 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,090 head back out 923 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,720 and hit all the towns 924 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,720 in the southeast. 925 00:21:12,130 --> 00:21:14,300 But is there 926 00:21:12,130 --> 00:21:14,300 anything I should know? 927 00:21:12,130 --> 00:21:14,300 Any new info? 928 00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:18,060 Nope. 929 00:21:18,140 --> 00:21:19,330 You're doing great. 930 00:21:18,140 --> 00:21:19,330 Godspeed. 931 00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:21,340 Doing what I can. 932 00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:21,340 Yep. 933 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,070 Got to go, Donna. 934 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,070 Can't talk. 935 00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:24,970 He just seems so happy. 936 00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:26,210 I didn't say anything.